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Cupid's Master — Mon, 05 Jun 2006 12:16:00 +0000

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Pictures of Pussies Cupid's Famous Pussy Files!

Cupid's Master — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 09:15:07 +0000

Pictures of Pussies Cupid's Famous Pussy Files!

Relationship Quiz: How to Tell If He's Really Interested

Cupid's Master — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:35:00 +0000

How can you tell if that guy you've been dating is actually falling for you or just fooling around? Six simple questions will tell you all you need to know.

1) When does he usually call you for a Saturday night date?

a) Two weeks in advance

b) Usually by Wednesday or Thursday

c) The day before

d) 10 minutes before he shows up

2) How often does he call you during the week?

a) Twice a day

b) 3-7 Times a week

c) Once a week

d) 10 minutes before he shows up

3) How often do you see each other?

a) Every day

b) Two or three times a week

c) Two or three times a month

d) Once a month or less

4) How often do you call him during the week?

a) Huh?

b) I never call him, or I return his calls occasionally

c) I call him a couple times a week

d) I call him every day

5) If you stopped doing all of the work in the relationship, (asking him out, calling him, etc.) how would it affect the relationship?

a) I have no idea

b) It wouldn't change a bit - he's doing most of the pursuing.

c) It would slow down considerably - I'd probably see him half as much.

d) Goodbye relationship, hello Häagen Dazs. He doesn't do much pursuing, so if I stopped calling and making dates, I'd probably would never see him again.

6) When he asks you out on a date, who pays?

a) He always pays

b) He usually pays, but I offer sometimes

c) We usually split the check

d) I usually pay for the date

How to Score:

Mostly As - This guy is either head over heels in love, or it's early in the relationship and you haven't had sex yet. Maybe both. While the eight-calls-a-day intensity is romantic at first, it can also wear you both out, and cause the relationship to prematurely crash and burn. Try taking a breather every once and a while to hang out with friends and do your own thing. You'll both appreciate the break, and trust me, absence really does make the heart grow fonder. While it's tempting to isolate yourselves in a love-cocoon, it can be damaging to the relationship long-term.

Mostly Bs - This relationship is right on track. By calling you regularly and pursuing the relationship, he's letting you know that he's definitely into you. Why? A man who is interested will continually work to progress the relationship. In other words, if he's pursuing you, he's interested. The key to success here is to stay on track. If the relationship hits a slow point, don't freak out and start pursuing him or you'll break the dynamic that is currently working so well. Stay relaxed and confident, and the relationship is sure to pick up speed again.

Mostly Cs - He's great on a date, and then you don't hear from him for weeks. His cell phone rings constantly during dinner, but you can't reach him for days. This guy probably enjoys your company, but something isn't right. He's either distracted by another relationship, work, friends, or all of the above. For some reason, he's happy to let things slide. To bring him on board, you need to stop making things so easy for him. If you don't hear from him by mid-week, make other plans (and don't break them.) Don't make yourself so available for him, stop calling him for a while, and see if he picks up the slack. He'll either step up his game, and put in the necessary effort, or he'll let you know for certain that he's not the guy for you.

Mostly Ds - I hate to break it to you darling, but this guy is exhibiting all the signs of someone who's just hanging around for the sex and free food. If you stop chasing after him, it's highly likely he'll just vaporize into thin air. Why? He's making it clear by his actions (not calling you, only calling you at the last minute) that he's waiting for something (anything!) better. (But hey, a you and a plate of fries will do if nothing more exciting comes along.) Don't fret. It's probably not you. Sometimes it doesn't matter if you're the greatest girl in the world, you're just not the girl for him. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't want you. Spend it with someone who does. The more time you waste on Mr. Right Now, the longer it will take you to find Mr. Right. Move on!

National Breakup Month

Cupid's Master — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:28:00 +0000

The holidays are over and just when you thought it was safe to put down the eggnog, you might find yourself smack in the middle of one of those "We Have To Talk" talks.

While November and December are generally unlikely months for breakups (who wants to be the jerk who ruined Thanksgiving?), January is usually the biggest month of all.

Why? For some, it feels like the first chance to make a clean break after the holidays (and the last chance before Valentine's Day rolls around.) And many men say they just don't want to be on the hook for the required Valentine's Day gift/flower arrangement/romantic dinner for a girl they're not really that crazy about. For others, the breakup is part of the New Year's resolution value package that includes getting a better job, losing the love handles, and embarking on a mission to find true love.

How do you know if your sweetie is about to lower the boom? Check below for some of the warning signs your relationship might be over soon.

6 Signs You Might Be Heading for a Breakup:

1. She's no longer interested in sex, or worse, she's recently learned some new tricks

A dramatic change in sexual behavior can mean two things: Either your sweetie is trying to avoid any situation where she might have to express emotion or attachment to you, or she's getting it somewhere else. Old dogs only learn new tricks if someone is teaching them.

2. This isn't about Toilet Paper! This is about Life!

If he's picking silly fights, or there's an unusual increase in emotional distance, you've got bad news. If your guy or girl is picking stupid fights all the time, they may be trying to get you to make the first move.

3. He says, "I need some space" or "I think we should see other people."

By telling you he wants to see other people, he's not technically breaking up with you (so no big crying scene to endure) but he's given himself a way out. Of course, the second he gets a little distance, he's going to make a run for it.

4. She gives you that little pat on the back.

Watch out for this one. A person who gives you a hug while patting you on the back is indicating that they are uncomfortable with what they're doing. The bigger the pat, the more discomfort they feel. Could be the kiss in front of Aunt Mildred. Could be garlic breath. Could be you.

5. She buys a pre-paid cell phone or pager.

This is a really bad sign. Private investigators everywhere will tell you the pager purchase is a sign of impending heartbreak. Sure, it could be for work, but more likely, she's using it to get a head start on her post-you life.

6. He used to be a blue jeans kind of guy, and suddenly he's obsessed with Armani.

A person who is about to leave (or is cheating) will take greater care with his or appearance - updating his wardrobe, losing weight, working out and even changing cologne.

The good new is that if you make through to Valentine's Day, you're on the road to a long-term relationship. And if you don't? Well, just consider yourself lucky: you'll have lots of company. So, wipe away those tears, update your profile, and start your own mission to find true love. This could be your year.

Single on Valentine's Day: On the Sidelines at the Rose Parade.

Cupid's Master — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 21:25:47 +0000

No other holiday drives home the fact that you're single so much as the annual rose parade on Valentine's Day. I'm not talking about the one in California. I'm talking about the one in your office. It usually starts before you've even had that first cup of coffee to steel your nerves, and continues throughout the day. A virtual pageant of florist delivery drivers, presenting stunning bouquet after stunning bouquet at your company's reception desk. There's just no escaping it. As the morning wears on, you get that sinking feeling in your stomach....no flowers for you today. That's okay, right? You can be deliriously single and having the time of your life on February thirteenth, but by V-day, you're hoping for a Mayday Mystery Man to resuscitate the day with a massive bouquet of twenty-four long-stems. Every time you hear the elevator bell, it's like a prickly shot of hope in the arm -- followed quickly by a fast-acting dose of reality. You smile weakly as coworker after coworker teeters down the hall with oversized vases of fragrant blooms. The other women in the office will be kind and not mention the vacant space on your desk, although they're secretly relieved not to be the girl the day forgot. On every other day of your life (with the possible exception of family weddings) your love life is private. On Valentine's Day, it can feel like you're cruising around the office wearing a giant sandwich board that reads: SINGLE! WITH NO SERIOUS PROSPECTS! Sure, you'll put on a cheerful face, but you'll be using every ounce of willpower to make the day run speedier than usual just to escape the omnipresent flora. By the time you get home, you start to think. Maybe being single on Valentine's Day isn't so bad. After all, you didn't have to drive home from work with a giant, wet, prickly bouquet in your front seat, blocking your view, and dousing your car interior with smelly stem water every time you made a left turn. There are no unattainable expectations for a great night of romance to fall flat. No thigh high stockings to yank up in the ladies room because the elastic isn't doing its job, no horrifyingly tiny (and surely itchy) gifts of tramp-red lingerie. Just you, a trip to the video store and maybe extra pepperoni on your Valentine's Day feast. A nice hot bath, a cozy pair of flannel jammies and a cuddle on the couch with your dog. If you think about it, single life is pretty rosy after all.

Good Bad and The Ugly!

Cupid's Master — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 22:20:14 +0000

THE
GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY

Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids

Bad : You can't find your birth control pills

Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room

Bad : You find several porn movies hidden there.

Ugly : You're in them

Good : Your husband understands fashion

Bad : He's a cross-dresser

Ugly : He looks better than you

Good : Your son's finally maturing

Bad : He's involved with the woman next door

Ugly : So are you

Good : You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter

Bad : She keeps interrupting

Ugly : With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you

Bad: She wants a divorce

Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good : The postman's early

Bad : He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47

Ugly : You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good : Your daughter got a new job

Bad : As a hooker

Ugly : Your coworkers are her best clients

Way ugly : She makes more money than you do

Good : You're son is dating someone new

Bad : It's another man

Ugly : He's your best friend

Good : You're wife is pregnant

Bad : It's triplets

Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago

Cupid Singles Message Board

Cupid's Master — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 15:53:22 +0000

Cupid Singles Message Board

Post a message on this free message board for singles!

:)

Dating Humor Relationship Jokes Archives

Cupid's Master — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 15:40:15 +0000

Dating Humor Relationship Jokes Archives: "USA State Mottos - at least our version :)
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity !

Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!

Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat

Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything

California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda

Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother

Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy's Don't Own It-Yet

Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water

Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids

Georgia: We Put The 'Fun' In Fundamentalist Extremism

Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)

Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes...Well Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good

Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the 'S'

Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn

Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States

Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names

Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign

Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster

Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It

Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)

Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians

Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And 10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes

Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State

Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work

Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-Wing Crazies, And Very Little El"

Totally Free Personals Dating Service for Singles

Cupid's Master — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 15:36:07 +0000

Letters to George Bush Regarding Gay Marriage - Wow, what a country we live in!

New Credit Card Fraud Scam

Cupid's Master — Wed, 24 Aug 2005 00:37:00 +0000

FYI

This current credit card scam explanation was sent to one of
our bank officers @ Country Club Bank so I wanted to send it out
to all of you FYI. Take heed!

WARNING...New Credit Card Scam.

Note, the callers do not ask for your card number; they
already have it. This information is worth reading.
By understanding how the VISA & MasterCard
Telephone Credit Card Scam works, you'll be better prepared to
protect yourself.

One of our employees was called on Wednesday from "VISA", and
I was called on Thursday from "MasterCard".

The scam works like this: Person calling says, "This is
(name), and I'm calling from the Security and Fraud Department at
VISA. My Badge number is 12460 Your card has been flagged for an unusual purchase pattern,
and I'm calling to verify. This would be on your VISA card which was issued by (name of bank).
Did you purchase an Anti-Telemarketing Device for $497.99 from a
Marketing company based in Arizona?"

When you say "No", the caller continues with, "Then we
will be issuing a credit to your account. This is a company we
have been watching and the charges range from $297 to $497, just
under the $500 purchase pattern that flags most cards.
Before your next statement, the credit will be sent
to (gives you your address), is that correct?"

You say "yes". The caller continues - "I will be starting a
Fraud investigation. If you have any questions, you should call
the 1- 800 number listed on the back of your card (1-800-VISA) and ask
for Security.

You will need to refer to this Control Number. The caller then
gives you a 6 digit number. "Do you need me to read it again?"

Here's the IMPORTANT part on how the scam works. The caller
then says, "I need to verify you are in possession of your card".
He'll ask you to "turn your card over and look for some numbers".
There are 7 numbers; the first 4 are part of your card number,
the next 3 are the security Numbers' that verify you are
the possessor of the card. These are the numbers you sometimes
use to make Internet purchases to prove you have the card.

The caller will ask you to read the 3 numbers to him.
After you tell the caller the 3 numbers, he'll say, "That is correct, I just needed to verify that
the card has not been lost or stolen, and that you still have your card.

Do you have any other questions?"
After you say No, the caller then thanks you and states, "Don't
hesitate to call back if you do", and hangs up.

You actually say very little, and they never ask for or tell
you the Card number. But after we were called on Wednesday, we called back
within 20 minutes to ask a question. Are we glad we did! The REAL VISA Security Department told us it was a scam and in the last 15 minutes a new purchase of $497.99 was charged to our card.

Long story made short - we made a real fraud report and closed
the VISA account. VISA is reissuing us a new number.
What the scammers want is the 3-digit PIN number on the back of the card. Don't give it to them. Instead, tell them you'll call VISA or Master card directly
for verification of their conversation. The real VISA told us that they will never ask for
anything on the card as they already know the information since
they issued the card! If you give the scammers your 3 Digit PIN Number, you think you're
receiving a credit. However, by the time you get your statement you'll see charges for
purchases you didn't make, and by then it's almost to late and/or
more difficult to actually file a fraud report.

What makes this more remarkable is that on Thursday, I got a
call from a "Jason Richardson of MasterCard" with a word-for-word
repeat of the VISA scam. This time I didn't let him finish. I hung up! We filed a
police report, as instructed by VISA.
The police said they are taking several of these reports daily!
They also urged us to tell everybody we know that this scam is
happening.

Please pass this on to all your family and friends.
By informing each other, we protect each other.

Simple Rules of Happiness

Cupid's Master — Mon, 15 Aug 2005 22:37:00 +0000

Happiness

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and
proud lady, who is fully dressed
each morning by eight o'clock, with her
hair fashionably coifed and makeup
perfectly applied, even though she is
legally blind, moved to a nursing
home today.

Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.
After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home,
she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready..
As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual
description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been
hung on her window.

"I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having
just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room ..just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness
is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not
doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged... it's how I arrange my
mind.

I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I
wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the
difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out
of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes
open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored
away just for this time in my life.

Old age is like a bank account: you withdraw from what you've put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a
lot of happiness in the bank account of memories.

Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still
depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

Too Funny!

Cupid's Master — Mon, 15 Aug 2005 22:38:00 +0000

Got a huge kick out of this:
http://itscupid.com/fun/male_female_bird.html

Advice 4 Life

Cupid's Master — Tue, 28 Jun 2005 20:06:00 +0000

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't separate because you think it's fashionable.
Don't drink because you have troubles.
Don't gamble because you think winning is inevitable.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.
Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.
Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate.
Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won,
Only a price to be paid for some of life's hastier decisions.
To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements:
abusive/ backstabbing "friends", nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.
Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.

Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.
Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.
Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.

Cry at the movies.
Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.
It is true that life does not get easier with age. It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid.
Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.
Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

Cupid's Master — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 10:42:00 +0000

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity?

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write "For Sexual Favors."

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."

8. Dont use any punctuation

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme.

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.

17. When The Money Comes Out Of The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...

20. Master the two rules of Success - 1. Don't tell everything you know, and 2....

Prison versus Work

Cupid's Master — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 10:20:00 +0000

Prison vs Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make
things a little bit clearer.

IN PRISON..........you spend the majority of your time in an 10X10 cell.
AT WORK............you spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON.........you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...........you get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.

IN PRISON..........you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK............you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON..........the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK............you must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself.

IN PRISON..........you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...........you could get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON.........you get your own toilet.
AT WORK..........you have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat.

IN PRISON..........they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK............you aren't even supposed to speak to your family.

IN PRISON.........all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK............you get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON..........you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK ...........you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON .........you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...........they are called managers.

Thoughts on Life's Generalities

Cupid's Master — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 17:09:00 +0000

The most destructive habit..............................Worry
The greatest Joy.......................................Giving
The greatest loss........................Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work.......................Helping others
The ugliest personality trait.....................Selfishness
The most endangered species.................Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource.......................Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"..................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.........................Fear

The most effective sleeping pill................Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease....................Excuses
The most powerful force in life..........................Love

The most dangerous pariah..........................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer................The brain
The worst thing to be without! . ...................... Hope

The deadliest weapon...............................The tongue
The two most power-filled words......................."I Can"
The greatest asset......................................Faith in Self

The most worthless emotion..........................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire..............................SMILE!
The most prized possession......................... Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication.............Whisper
The most contagious spirit.........................Enthusiasm

Breaking Up 101: Winning Ways To Leave Your Lover

Cupid's Master — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 15:15:00 +0000

She squeaks when she blows her nose. He eats like a rabid pig.
It's just not working out.

We've all spent some time stuck in a relationship we didn't want
to be in because we didn't have the heart (or some other equipment)
to end it. Maybe we don't want to hurt someone we've been close
to, or worse, maybe it's clear right away we're dealing with a nut and
we don't want to be the trigger for an economy-sized bottle of
Prozac and a six-week stint at the Bendy Willow Psychiatric Center.

So what do you do when it's completely obvious you're just not
meant to be together? You break up. Or, you try to break up,
don't quite hit the mark, and end up sucked back into the awful
relationship for round two, because you just couldn't make it stick.

Is there a way to make it permanent without causing permanent
damage?

The key is to have a plan, a good plan.

Location, Location, Location.
It's really important to pick a good strategic breakup setting.
The best places to have "the talk" are both public but fairly private,
with a convenient escape route. The best location? Outside,
walking at a park. It's crowded enough to ensure you won't have
a big scene, but private enough your dumpee won't feel like he or
she is naked at a funeral. Other agreeable breakup locales include
restaurants (but not a favorite restaurant) or a walk around the
block. The worst place to break up? At a party or work. The only
thing worse than being dumped is being dumped in front of people
you're going to have to see on a regular basis.

Timing Is Everything.
Another key to effective breakups is precise timing. Breaking
up at a park gives both your dumpee and you the chance to
leave once the deed is done. If you're ending the relationship
at a restaurant, do it only after the check has come and you've
paid for dinner. (And by the way, if you're about to dump someone,
you should DEFINITELY be buying dinner.) There's nothing more
horrifying than being dumped and then having to sit around
making small talk for another 20 minutes while you're waiting
for the check to come. (As in, "Hey Lula, what are you doing
now that you don't have plans for tonight? Laundry?")

Happy Freaking Birthday.
Never break up with someone within two weeks of a major
holiday or his/her birthday. Make that a month for Valentine's
Day and Christmas. There's no faster entry to the Bitch/Bastard
Hall of Fame than permanently destroying the holidays for your
soon-to-be-ex. It's just not nice, and you don't want that
what-goes-around-comes-around thing biting you in the ass
when your turn as the dumpee rolls back around.

It's Not You, It's Me.
The first thing to remember is not to drag it out. The longer
it takes, the worse it is for everybody involved. Whenever
you end the relationship, be sure to make your reasons
relevant only to you. Say, "This is not working for me." Stick
with your basis and keep repeating yourself over and over if
necessary. It's impossible for someone to argue with you
about reasons that pertain only to you. If you end up getting
sucked into a situation where you have to list grounds for
wanting it over, you may find yourself in for an encore. If you
say, "we fight too much" or "you don't seem happy" your
partner may offer to change, taking all the air out of your
break-up and landing you right back in the relationship.

Hire A Hit Man.
Worst-case scenario, you're too much of a weenie to
breakup with your girl or guy yourself, you can always
resort to the newest companion service to online dating.
For a fee, letsbreakup.com will inform your wish-you-were-
my-ex of the relationship's demise by phone, email or snail
mail. Certainly not the most sensitive approach, but it
gets the job done.

***

Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!
All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and
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As seen in/on Cosmopolitan, Men's Health and Ricki Lake

Strange Sex Facts

Cupid's Master — Sun, 05 Jun 2005 22:14:00 +0000

Scientific terms for some of the more poetic sex fetishes:

Acrotomophillia:Amputees makes you randee, baybee, yeah!

Agalmatophilia: A fantasy thing for shop dummies and mannequins.

Agonophilia:Someone who gets hot when their partner pretends to struggle.

Alvinolagnia: A weakness for stomachs, bellies and tummies.

Amaurophilia: You like your sex partner blindfolded.

Androminetophilia: boys who do girls dressed asboys - hmmm

Amomaxia: You can't stop doing it in parked cars.

Axillism: Sex with your partner's armpit.

Dacrylagnia: You love it when your partner cries tears of anything.

Emetophilia: You have a vice for vomit (gag)

Eproctolagnia: A fetish for flatulation, aka "farting"

Harmatophilia: A penchant for partners who areuseless or frigid in bed

Harpaxophilia:Being robbed leaves you weak at the knees.

Iantronudia: Exposing yourself to the doctor getsyou going. Either sex.

Moriaphilia: Arousal from telling dirty jokes and stories.

Oculolinctus: Eyeball licking - lizard thing?

Odontophilia: Tooth or gums fetish

Phygephilia: Weakness for hiney, ass, butt, buttock kissing.

Teledildonics: Arousal from computer sex games and graphics.

Tragolimia: Craving for sex constantly.

Zelophilia: Arousal from jealousy.

And finally - Genophobia is the fear of sex. Andno one here has that one we do hope.

Aphrodisiac Veggies and Spices?

Rosemary - Madame deSévigné found this herb intoxicating. Medieval womenscented bath water with it to allure men. It is said to play on humans'keen scent memory, our tie to most emotional experiences.

Artichoke - This thorny vegetable, like many lovers, playshard to get (which like many suitors, just makes one want it more).It was often prescribed by doctors for their male patients who soughtto increase bedroom performance.

Asparagus- The great French lovers of yesteryear dined on three courses ofthis shapely green vegetable on the night before the wedding. It ispacked with potassium, phosphorus, calcium and vitamin E, perfectcombinations for increased hormone production.

Basil - Haitian lore claims this herb comes from Erzulie, theirgoddess of love. Early on, this herb was used for centuries to keepwandering eyes at home. Wives with straying husbands powdered theirbreasts with this pulverized herb. It is an Italian favorite and abasic in every kitchen.

Chocolate - The Aztecs and Mayans were the first to recognizethe potency of this food, celebrating the harvest with festivals ofwild orgies. It is a prime ingredient in mole sauces and desserts.

Strawberry - This luscious fruit is usually a symbol of sensualityand earthly desire in art and literature. It is often associated withfairy folk. In Bavaria, a basket of the fruit is sometimes tied betweena cow's horns to please the elves so the cow will be blessed withabundant milk.

Black Beans - Lore has it that this high-protein vegetable increasesfertility. This caused St. Jerome, father of the Latin Church, towarn nuns against eating it lest they break their celibacy vows.

Chiles - Lore has it that Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, inventorof Corn Flakes and founder of Kellogg's cereals, knew what he wastalking about when he advised nymphomaniacs to stay away from thispotent food. It gets the blood rushing, the heart pumping, the faceflushing, and the pores sweating.

Honey - In 5th century BC, Hippocrates prescribed this foodfor sexual vigor. Tradition in India offers a bridegroom a gift ofthis sweet, golden food on his wedding day. Attila the Hun drank himselfto death on this food on his honeymoon.

Avocado - The Aztec name for this green fruit literally translatesto testicle. It was deemed so powerful that village maidens were forbiddento set one virginal toe outside the house while the fruit was beinggathered.

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Funky and somewhat educational sex trivia?

I'm Dreaming of a White Nightshirt? -In Hastings, Nebraska, hotel owners are required by law to provide a clean, white cotton nightshirt to each guest. Evidently, no one can have sex unless they are wearing the nightshirts. Does that include masturbation?

A Fetish for Sailor Uniforms? Or Gold Earrings? -Sailors used to wear gold earrings so that they could afford a proper burial when they died. And did they wear those earrings in their right or left ears?

Up-the-Skirt Shoes! -In Cleveland, Ohio, women are not allowed to wear patent-leather shoes. Must be something about the way they reflect up!

Venus's FEET in Furs! -In the original story, Cinderella's slippers were made of fur. An error in translation resulted in them being made of glass.

All Tied Up? -In Norfolk, Virginia, women can't venture out in public without wearing a corset. Either they have a LOT of old laws on their books or a lacing fetishist infiltrating legislation.

Peeping Death! -In 1994, Los Angeles police arrested a man for standing outside the windows of old people's homes and staring in - dressed as the Grim Reaper, complete with a scary scythe.

He Puts His "Expletive Deleted"

On One Leg at a Time"Pants" was once considered a dirty word -- in 1880's England.

Red-hot and...Feverish? -During the fifteenth century, sick people were often dressed in red and surrounded by red objects because it was thought to help them get better.

Con't Next Page - Sex Facts - page three previous archive top of page home

Super Jerk - Weekly Dumb Joke and Cheesy Quote

Cupid's Master — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 22:48:00 +0000

Two men are sitting drinking at a bar at the top of the Empire State Building when the first man turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.

The second guy says, "What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen."

"No, it's true," said the first man, let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and plummets to the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

He met the second man, who looked quite astonished. "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke."

"No, I'll prove it again," says the first man as he jumps. Again just as he is hurling toward the street, the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window.
Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.

"Well, what the hey," the second guy says, "it works, I'll try it!" He jumps over the balcony plunges downward, passes the 11th, 10th, 9th, 8th floors ...and hits the sidewalk with a 'splat.'

Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker, saying "You know, Superman, sometimes you can be a real jerk."

"The Two Rules of Success: 1. Don't tell everything you know."

It's about bloggin' time!

Cupid's Master — Wed, 27 Apr 2005 14:39:00 +0000

Yeah yeah, we've had the blog thing in our radar for some time now. Happy to say we're in the process of extending our totally free personals network to a half dozen blog domains and expect them to all be online within a month of so.

So what's the deal with these alleged free personals? Like, ya know, what's the catch? (We get alotta that, donchaknow.

The Partners-N-Love totally free personals dating network was created from our matchmaking services. With the Internet creating a world at our fingertips, there's no reason for "anyone" to be single any longer! I saw the web bring happiness to my mother, sister, and so many friends that I lost count! This is when we when into full gear regarding online personals and matchmaking.

It's easy to do something when you're passionate about it, and when you realize the end result is hooking up lonely people with friends, companions or lifetime lovers!

Our dating network philosophy is quite simple.

1. Monitor and review every viable online dating service providing information and details so our surfers can shop and compare before visting the dating sites.

2. Provide our surfers completely free of charge personals with no strings attached, (or memberships required).

3. Provide multiple pages of entertaining, ever changing content that will tickle the mind while teasing the brain.

4. Offer multiple forms of free user interaction such as our online dating forums and message boards, singles chat rooms, polls and surveys, personality tests, so on and so forth.

All the above in a completely banner free, non ad spamming atmosphere. We never use pop up ads, spyware, or tracking software of any kind so our visitors surf in complete anonymity.

TaDa! There ya have it! Now we're heading off into blogland to spread the word!

Cheers, and happy blogging!